NM, CA, 21, She/Her
What does being butch mean to you?
It means being adamantly masculine yet deeply feminine.
What is butch culture in relation to lesbian culture?
Growing up I only thought butch lesbians were lesbians. I thought the people who were very visibly “out” were the only ones who were gay. I didn’t know femmes were lesbians, I didn’t know moms were lesbians, I didn’t know any woman could be gay. I thought all lesbians were tough looking women who dressed like boys. Because of this belief I always felt comfort with the visual aspect of women in men's clothing. But now that I know there is a greater spectrum I feel more comfortable in the many personalities that I obtain in my mind.
How did you evolve into your identity?
My identity started to form itself when I was three years old. I was sitting in the backseat of my mom’s car waiting to pick up my older sister from school. One of my sister’s friends came walking out wearing a red tracksuit. My three year old brain saw that as a girl wearing boys clothes and as soon as I saw “that” I was immediately intrigued . Before starting kindergarten, I had my own style; camo t-shirts, cargo shorts, skate shoes and cornrows. I would go by different names that sounded more butch than my regular name. As I grew up, I conformed to straight blonde white girl world but quickly burned that noise to the ground. However! I did learn a very specific key component to my sexuality; my femininity. My identity has changed immensely as I’ve grown and by letting myself evolve and explore, I feel the most feminine and most masculine I’ve ever felt in my life. The butcher I become the sexier I feel.
How does being butch affect you in daily life?
Mainly by being misgendered. It triggers me because I am not a man. I am not trying to be a man, I just have manly attributes. As soon as that bathroom door opens I hold my breath because there is always that hesitation from the woman walking in as I’m washing my hands, that they are entering the wrong restroom. They check the sign on the door, then make a nervous comment about my hat, my hood, my clothes. They then try to combat it by complimenting my earrings or saying how cute my haircut is. It’s okay. I know what I am and I am more comfortable in the women’s restroom. I never correct anyone, though. They always correct themselves.
What are some stereotypes about butch women and do you relate to them?
that they’re all mean and have no feelings. That they want to be men, that they hate men, that they all know about cars/motorcycles/ that they’re all overweight…just nonsense. We come in varieties, just like everyone and everything else.
What makes you feel beautiful?
I feel beautiful seeing the rosacea on my cheeks. I feel beautiful in boxers and a wifebeater. I feel beautiful with a buzzed head. I feel beautiful seeing my broad shoulders. I feel beautiful looking like a dude but knowing I’m a woman.