Bellingham, WA. 54 She/her
What does being butch mean to you?
“What does it mean to me? I don’t know.. that’s just how I’ve always been. I remember when I was little not wanting to wear girls shoes, I remember having crushes on girls at a young age, I didn’t know what it was back then…and I remember people would always ask “are you a boy or a girl”, it made me mad and it was confusing, Laurie and I used to say “We’re not girls! We are boys” to other kids. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m transgender per say, it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch. I feel like my gender is somewhere in between, and I think I’ve felt like that my whole life, I’ve never thought about often, only when its brought up. When I was a teenager, in high school I tried to dress
like the other girls, my brother took me shopping freshmen year and I got star jeans, bell bottoms, sweaters and vest,
with long hair which is what every girl was wearing in 79’ and it felt okay at the time but I always preferred masculine clothes. I had four brothers and I always got their hand me downs and felt best when I wore those.”
What is butch culture in relation to lesbian culture?
“Back in my 20’s a lot of times femme girls were the ones all over me, and a lot of butches would like femmes. I myself have never really been attracted to other butch women- not to say I couldn’t be but it was never my type.
How does being butch affect your daily life?
“HA! Well I get called sir a lot, especially from behind, I find it humorous, I always got along with people I work with and it was never really a problem, I think that would be different if I was a black butch. I think its been easier growing up and living as a white butch in a more liberal area of the pacific northwest, 15 ago Laurie and I were walking out of a Starbucks and people made rude comments on our masculinity, we told them to fuck off and blew it off, I think it hurt more then I let on, but I just know people react to things they don’t understand. I miss her terribly every day, I think growing up with her being a butch as well made it not so lonely. It’s made dating more difficult but who’s to say- I remember in my teen years I had some boyfriends, but I was never really interested, but I just felt like that’s what I should do. But no, it was never good. I think it’s become more accepted, I think gay groups dynamics are pretty similar in some aspects, we went to the bar, that’s what kids do today, right?"
What are some stereotypes of butch women, do you relate to any of them?
"Big one is – all butches wanna be men, and I just don’t think that’s the case, I’m sure some do. I can identify with that but it’s not completely how I feel. People always think that butch always try to go after straight women or femmes, but its not true and in my experience it’s the opposite, I remember a lot of straight chicks being interested in me, and being girlfriends for a while, and they were always fun. My first girlfriend Karen, was the only woman I ever dated that was 100 percent lesbian, it lasted a lot longer and was more intense, we were living in Boston. I left her because of her drinking was out of control and I was unhappy, I just had to leave, it was very hard to do but- I had to escape. It was awful, she was starting to flirt with other people too, this friend of hers named Paul stayed with us and on payday once a week and will fill a shopping cart and just drink and drink and drink, and I just never liked it and I had to go. I always thought she was very courage’s and interesting, she had hitchhiked across the states. She was a little nutsy though, she kidnapped me once, she got me drunk and I passed out and woke up in Spokane, I think about her once in a while."
How are butch women portrayed in media?
"Maybe a little predatory, more than I would like to see, I think people have that perception just like gay men being child molester. Which is just not true. I remember being at Shorty’s and we watched Ellen come out on her TV show, it was very funny but I thought it was very obvious she was gay, and now look, she’s loved by millions. I thought it was a good thing."
What makes you feel beautiful?
"Probably when I’m around people that are loving. When I act in positive ways, decorating my skin with tattoos, When I was younger being tough getting in fights made me feel powerful, beating up men when I was angry, to feel that way now all it takes is being flirted with, I’ve mellowed so much with my age that it doesn’t take much to feel powerful."
First love stories?
"When I worked at old town café I remember Karen would come in with her girlfriend at the time and she would just stare at me and stare at me but I was a shy young butch, one day I just followed her and asked if she wanted to smoke a bowl and then we started hanging out every day, then she invited me to her and her girlfriends sixth month anniversary party (only lesbians would have that party) and we ended up hooking up at that party! I was sitting on the fire place and she kept telling me to come lay down with her but I was nervous, I didn’t want to, eventually I did and that was the beginning of that."
Last words?
"To young butch women, be your genuine self and don’t let anyone try to dictate how you feel about yourself and always keep your head held high."